I’ve had an exciting winter this year. maybe, because I spent part of it outside Canada, my second home that I haven’t left for years. I flew from Toronto to Cairo, my hometown, last December.
Usually, during such long flights, I entertain myself by watching a movie or two. One of the movies that stirred up some thoughts was Mr. Malcolm’s List. The story is set in the 1800s and is about a gentleman, Mr. Malcolm, a picky bachelor who has a secret requirement list for the future bride he wants. Every time he courts a lady, he scrutinizes her against his list, and if she happens to miss one item on his list, he excludes her and moves on to look for another match.
Julia was one of those he jilted when failed to meet an item on his list of requirements for a bride. Feeling humiliated, she decides to take revenge. She convinces her friend Selina to play the role of his ideal match then surprises him that he didn’t meet the requirements on her list of a groom and rejects him. However, Mr. Malcolm and Selina fall in love. As the drama unfolds, Mr. Malcolm finds out the plot Julia and Selina weaved against him.
His mother, without his knowledge, tries to fix the situation, but he ruins it. Then comes the scene I consider the master scene of the movie when Mr. Malcolm’s mother confronts him and tells him that he embarrassed her, she goes on saying, “Your list is a shield. You did not want to give your heart to a woman unworthy. Love cannot be planned so carefully.”
It made me think, how many of us have a checklist that we have either written or in our mind that people we date will have to tick all or almost all items on it off?
How many of us use checklists as shields to protect ourselves from being heartbroken again?
How many of us think “I am special, and no one is good enough for me.”? or maybe “I am not good enough or I am unlovable, or who will ever consider loving me or I am too much for anyone to handle?” and here’s a good one for ladies, “Men are intimidated by me. I am too smart, and men don’t like me for it.”
What Mr. Malcolm’s mother and maybe he didn’t realize is that he has limiting subconscious beliefs around love that prevent him from loving himself fully, let alone loving someone else.
Mr. Malcolm has a tough judge saboteur that judges him harshly and wants to control everything, not only whom to fall in love with but also what, where, when, and how to fall in love.
The truth is when we judge ourselves so harshly, we are much less tolerant of others.
And yes, Mr. Malcolm’s mother was right, “Love cannot be planned so carefully.” But if we don’t have that warm loving feeling towards ourselves first, we are less likely to truly love someone else.
What about you?
What shield do you hide behind?
What limiting beliefs do you have about love?
Are your relationships suffering?
If you answer yes to any of the above, connect with me and let me help you.
Maybe love cannot be so carefully planned but it can be acquired.